Love Isn't Always Enough
by Kristinawitter
Summary: After years of marriage, Joey can't cope anymore with heartache. Can her and Pacey fix their life before it's the end of their love story?
1. Chapter 1

I do not own any D.C Characters.

I can't think of a time where I haven't loved this man. We have been through so much together. He gave me a beautiful daughter, Megan Witter. Our daughter is two years old. She looks just like me, except for her eyes, they're all Pacey's. Deep, dark ocean blue eyes which remind me of the love for her dad that I hold so close to my heart. My eyes, are liquid dark. Tired, lonely, lost. It shouldn't have come to this. I never give up, so why am I now? Am I not strong enough anymore? A fool? I just don't understand anything. I am such a drama queen. It's in my nature. I can't help but think this is the end.

Pacey walks through the door, and gives me a heartwarming smile, his eyes gleaming with not love, but long hours, late nights and too much coffee. Seems he can only generate love through his smile these days.

'Hey Joey. Sorry I'm late, It was really busy at the restaurant.' Joey. That's what he calls me now. Not Jo, Miss Potter, or any other nickname that used to make me swoon. At least he hasn't resorted to Josephine.

'Why didn't you call me and let me know you were going to be late?' I fumed, back at him. He doesn't seem to give a shit about me sitting at home, looking after our daughter, while he flirts with all the single women at the bar. 'Were you too busy fucking one of your whores?' I can't believe that just came out of my mouth, and he looks as shocked as I do.

'What the fuck, Josephine?' Uh oh, there it is, the dreaded Josephine. Now I know I've really upset him. 'Are you serious? Are you really going to accuse me of cheating on you? You know that I am NOT that kind of man, why would you even think that?' He looks hurt. I immediately retract my comment.

'Sorry Pace, I know. It's just been a long, long day.' I look at him pleadingly, hoping he'll cross the room and give the hug I need to make my day better. He just looks at me with disgust in his eyes, and I know that he's not going to give me one. 'I'm going to bed Joey. Good night.' That's it? That's all he can offer me?

'Fuck you Pace.' He turns around to me, anger flashing through his eyes. 'No Joey, you haven't fucked me for weeks. Like I said, it's been a hard fucking day. Next time you talk to me like that, you'll have to excuse me for not being kind towards you.' I cross my arms, glaring at him. 'You've been at work all day, and you can't even give me a hug? I haven't seen you for weeks Pace, you have come in late when I'm in bed, and you're gone before I get up with Megan. Remember Megan? Your daughter? I'd like her to remember her dad you know!' Pacey looks hurt that I bought his daughter into it. 'She misses you Pace. I do too.' I add softly. Pacey strides over to me, and gives me a short hug, before breaking away. 'I know Joey, I know. But I'm trying, I really am.' A short hug is all he can manage after six years of marriage huh? What a joke.

'Pacey?' He turns around again, looking impatient, and irritated. 'What, Joey? I want to go to bed. Remember, I have work? Or did that slip your mind.' I don't care anymore. I give up.

'I want a divorce.' He looks at me, aghast. He didn't see that one coming.

'Well, Josephine. I've never denied you anything, and I'm not about to stop now.' With that, he grabs his car keys off the side, and heads straight back out the door, into the night. I have no idea where he's going. I don't care. I let hot, heavy tears fall down my face. I sob quietly into the night, trying not to wake my daughter, unaware of the heartache surrounding her parents.

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	2. Chapter 2

I look at our beautiful daughter, she's completely unaware of what's going on. It's been two weeks since Pacey walked out. Bessie has been back and forward to comfort me and hand over Megan to Pacey when I can't bear to face him. The call from Jack was heartbreaking.

'_Joey, you know he loves you. When he turned up on our doorstep, he was in tears. I've never seen him like this, what's going on?'_

'_Jack, I just can't take the arguments and harsh words anymore. You know I love him Jack, but we can't get past this. I just can't.' I can't even talk to Jack about it, I feel myself welling up with new tears. I violently wipe them away. 'He won't even talk to me anyway Jack, He's given up on me as much as I've given up on him. I just think it's for the best this way. Hopefully we'll be able to friends in the future, but right now? I can't stand being around him. I either want to kiss him or slap him.'_

'_Oh Joey, I hope it doesn't get to that. I'm sure you will sort it. It's still early days, no need for divorce yet, let's take it one step at a time.'_

Yeah. And that was two weeks ago and we still haven't talked. Fuck this, I'm going out. 'Bessie? Can you watch Megan? I'm going to the store to pick up a few things.' ' Sure Jo, whatever you need, I'm here.' She smiles softly at me. God I love Bessie.

Xxxxxxxxxxxx

I wonder down the streets of Capeside, wondering how my life got to this point. Pacey and I were happy. After we got together after Jen's death, we were happy. We moved back to Capeside, and bought a small house on the edge of the town. It's only ten minutes from The Icehouse, which was perfect for Pacey. I had given up my job in New York, and found a job which would let me work from home, and travel up to Boston every other month for meetings. It was perfect for what I wanted. Two years after we moved back, Pacey proposed to me. We had the most beautiful wedding, and spent our honeymoon sailing around the Caribbean. It was perfect. When we got back, Capeside seemed to flourish. More visitors, tourists, and a thriving business followed. Pacey's business took off so much that his loans were all paid off within a month or two. It was exciting, how happy we were. Pacey decided it was time to expand. He wanted to open a second Icehouse in Boston, then maybe in the future open up in New York. It was perfect for us, as I travelled to Boston often, and we wouldn't spend too much time apart. We discussed children, and we knew we both wanted them, but right then, it wouldn't have been the right time. So you can imagine my surprise and anxiousness when I found out I was pregnant with Megan.

'_Oh my God Bessie, I'm late.' I screamed into the telephone, phoning the B&B while Pacey had gone to work. 'Shit Joey, I'll be right over. Ten minutes later, she was at my door, with a pregnancy test in her hand. 'It will be ok, I promise Joey. Let's just see what the result is.' Three minutes later, I was faced with a positive pregnancy test, and thousands of tears. 'Bessie, I can't do this now. I'm so busy, Pacey has just expanded, we don't have the time for a baby!' Bessie looked at me with a straight face. 'Joey, having a baby is a blessing. You and Pacey have been together for a while now, and let's face it. Our timings in our family have never been right. There is never the right time to have a baby. Make the most of it babe, as I this child is going to love you and Pacey unconditionally, and you'll regret this conversation in nine months time, when that darling baby of yours will be in this world.' I reach out and give her a huge hug. I love my sister, I really do._

I remember when Pacey came home that night, I couldn't tell him. He knew something was up.

'_Babe, what's up?' He moved closely to me, wrapping his arms around my waist, enveloping me into a huge hug, and gently kissed my lips. 'Want to talk about it?' I nodded towards him. 'I'm pregnant, Pace.' He looks down at me. 'What? I don't think I heard you right. You're pregnant?' I nodded again. 'I know it's not the right time Pacey, I don't know how this happened, I'm so scared we're not going to have the time to love this baby like we should. I'm so scared Pacey.' A small sob escapes my lips, and before I know it, I'm sobbing uncontrollably in his arms. 'Jo. Jo. Look at me, please'. I look up to him, and see a whole range of emotions swimming in his eyes. 'I love you more than anything, and we are going to love this child, with our whole hearts, and we will figure something out Jo, we will just have to rearrange a few things. And, it happened, because we love each other, and If you remember correctly, we got a bit carried away while you were taking your antibiotics. This is going to be the best thing that happens to us babe, I can't wait to have a daughter or son'. His eyes were filling with happy tears, and mine did too._

Pacey was right. We loved Megan back then with our whole hearts. And we did make it work. For a while. After a few months, we started to drift back into our old routine. However, I had to give up work , and completely work from home, as Pacey was always back and forward to Boston, and didn't have time to look after Megan during the days. Therefore, I was always stuck at home. I think that's when the resentment kicked in. Not just from me, of course, Pacey had started to resent me, as he didn't get to see his daughter as much as I did, and he was missing out on vital moments of her growing up.

'_For fuck sake Joey, I can't come home early tonight, I have a business to run remember?' He screamed at me on the phone. Apparently a huge party of important people came into work and all ordered lobster, something which they ran out of half way through the order. 'Well Pacey, you have a family at home, remember? Just go back to fucking work.' I replied, slamming the phone down. _

_Thirty minutes later, Pacey was running through the door. He enveloped me in a huge hug. 'I'm so sorry babe, I didn't mean to snap at you like that. I'm just so tired and I took it out on you, which I shouldn't have done. I'm so sorry.' He showered me in kisses, showing me how much he was sorry. I instantly forgave him, showering him in kisses back, happy to have him in my arms. Our eight month baby daughter was gurgling from her cot, excited to see her dad home, before her bedtime. His face lit up at the sight of her, and he rushed over to shower her in kisses too._

After that, the arguments seemed to continue, and that was probably the last time he apologised with such genuine concern and love. I guess, we got to a place that we couldn't get back from. We stopped apologising to each other, just accepted it and moved on instead. I don't know how many times I heard 'I hate you' in the next year. How on earth did me and Pace, of all people, get like that?

Consumed in all my thoughts, I bumped straight into my husband, who was picking up a large order of fish from the local store. He looks at me, with his big blue eyes, and my heart just melts.

'Hi', he offers me . 'How, um. How are you?' He looks nervous. I don't blame him. I am too. 'Hi. I'm fine thanks. I've got to run though. Sorry.' I turn on my heel and walk away, when I hear a huge, sad sigh behind me, which stops me in my tracks. I turn back around. 'Pace, um, do you want to come over tonight? See Megan? I'm at home tonight.' I feel bad for running away, so I offer some time to see his daughter, to try and make up for it. His face breaks into a smile. 'Yeah ok Jo, I'll be over at eight. I have to run too though, I'll see you later.' He offers me a small nod, and gets on his way.

Xxxxxxxxxxxxx

True to his word, he's at our marital home at bang on eight. Wow, on time for once, I'm surprised. I open the door, and give him a short smile and let him in. 'Hey Pace, she's just out the bath and playing in her room. I'm going to make some dinner, would you like something?' 'No thanks, I'm just going to spend time with her before she goes to bed.' With that, he turns on his heel, and heads to Megan's bedroom.

It got to eleven, and I wonder why he's keeping her up so late, cross that he'd keep her up past her bedtime. I go into her bedroom and my heart breaks. He's curled up on the bed next to her, sound asleep, with Megan asleep with her arms around her father. I walk slowly up to him and slowly wake him. 'Pacey? It's late, you fell asleep in Megan's room.' He offers me a sleepy nod of acknowledgement and starts to get up, giving Megan a tender kiss on her forehead. I head back into the lounge, trying not to see the love he offers his daughter which he doesn't offer me anymore.

Five minutes later, he reappears, looking sleepy and confused, and heads towards the door. 'I'll just be on my way then Joey, have a good night.' As he opens up the door, I don't even know what I was thinking. 'Pacey?' He turns around to look at me, and understands my eyes, closes the door, takes my hand, and leads me to our bedroom.

I'm nervous. I don't know why, he's my husband. This is wrong, but why does it feel so right? Pacey closes our bedroom door, and leans in to give me a soft, tender kiss on my mouth. I lean into the kiss, softly moaning into his mouth, while wrapping my arms around his neck. His hands roam around my body, moving to feel my ass, slowly, like he's never touched me before. He kisses me with such passion, I feel that my legs are going to give way. He lifts me up, and lowers me onto the bed. He pulls away from me, looks deeply into my eyes, and gives me soft, sensual kisses all the way down my neck. I close my eyes and savour this moment, moaning softly at his touch. I reach up, and start to unbutton his shirt, pulling it away from him and throwing it on the floor. I glance up at his lean body, muscles perfectly formed, and I lean in to kiss his stomach. He moans when I touch him, and he slides my straps off my shoulders, lifts my arms so he can take my top off. He leans me back again onto the bed, and starts to kiss all down my body. He kisses my breasts over the fabric of my bra, and reaches behind me to unhook it, and removes it with one efficient movement, and then my breasts are in his mouth, slowly kissing and sucking my nipples. I give out a short moan of pleasure, feeling my panties getting wetter. His erection his pressing hard against my thigh, which I'm trying to forget about, as It's already driving me over the edge. He moves down from my breasts, and starts to undo my pants, sliding them down over my ass so I'm just in my panties. He gently moves them to the side, and caresses my area softly, feeling my wetness on his fingers. He then pushes two fingers inside me, and moans into my mouth, pushing harder inside me as passionate as he can. 'Oh Pacey,' escapes my lips, as I grind my hips into his fingers . 'Oh my god' My breathing gets faster, I can feel my insides starting to let loose. He stops fingering me and rips my panties off, and moves his mouth down where his fingers had just been. He starts to tease me by slowly kissing my thighs, and then starts to kiss my clit, sucking on the bud slowly and softly, doing it the way he knows I like it. 'Fuckkk Pacey, keep going'. I can't control my moans anymore, they're getting louder and longer, my hips pushing up into his mouth, I can't control it anymore. I feel my orgasm pulsating through me , my wetness filling his mouth with my sweet taste. 'Mmmm, Pace.' He looks up at me with a gorgeous grin, and kisses me on my mouth. I can taste myself in his mouth, and I don't care. I am so lost, I feel like I'm floating.

He starts to take off his pants and boxers, his hard, big erection standing proud. He moves closer into my thighs, and then takes his cock and pushes it inside me slowly, my walls adjusting to his big size. 'Oh Jo, you feel so good. I've fucking missed you so much', he gasps in my ear. I moan with him, feeling his cock thrust deeper into me. We move as one. We fit perfectly together. I can hear the slapping of flesh as he moves quicker and deeper, grunting in my ear which turns me on even more. I know he's close, because he looks at me, deep into my eyes, with such love and tenderness that I've seen many times before. 'Fuck Jo, mmm', he starts to get quicker, and I arch my head back and come with him, my body tightening around him, pulsating deep inside which sets him off. He comes inside me, grunting hard and out of breath. For a moment, we are both silent, just hearing our breath and the sound of our beating hearts. He looks back down at me, his eyes still filled deep with love. 'I love you Jo, I love you so much.' 'I know Pace, I know.' We both know, as we turn together and cuddle each other before we drift into sleep. But we know that love isn't enough. And that tomorrow, it will be the same between us. Still separated.


	3. Chapter 3

Fuck. Can't believe I just slept with Pacey. Joey woke up with a start, and saw Pacey lying next to her. Her heart just loved him, she really did, but it was like she lost all faith in herself, in him. She looked at him , sleeping silently. He looked like he had a worried look on his face, like he was lost. Like he had lost part of himself. She knew, that the part he had lost, was her. Fuck.

'Pacey. Wake up.' Joey started. She gave him a gentle shake. 'You have to leave Pace, before Megan sees you in here.' Pacey crumpled his face, 'Mmmm, what?' He turned over to her, and put his arm round her, absently in his sleep. 'Pacey! Get the fuck off me!', Joey snapped, and got out of bed , shoving his arm off her, and headed to get herself some clothes. 'Get up, and get up now!' He looked at her, momentarily startled, then his face turned to confusion , then hurt. 'What? Joey, last night... I mean ...I..'... he trailed off when he saw the angry expression she held on her face. He had seen that face plenty of times recently. It hurt him to see her so angry all the time.

'Last night was a mistake. It shouldn't have happened. I was tired, and just wanted to comfort. Please just go.' Joey tried to sound convincing, but she wasn't doing a very good job of it. She knew that words hurt Pacey. She knew she was being unfair, but she just couldn't help it. She was hurting too.

'Fine. Fuck you Joey. Oh wait, I just did.' He grabbed his clothes, leaving her dumbfounded with his comment, and he stalked out the room. Arrogant pig, she thought. How dare he talk to me like that? Joey stalked off after him. 'Oi. Who do you think you are talking to me like a piece of shit?' Joey continued in anger. 'Oh Josephine. Give it up. Who the HELL do you think YOU are talking to me like that? Just where do you think you get off talking to ME like a piece of shit? Did I fuck up your life so bad that you just talk to me like I'm nothing... That I've been nothing for a very very long time? What the hell did I do to you to make you talk to me like this? How did we get like this?' She stood quietly, not sure what to say. 'I... I never said you were nothing Pacey. I mean, You just were never here. I mean...' 'SHUT UP JOEY', he interrupted her with his loud, angry voice. 'Don't you dare fucking blame me for this. YOU are the one that stopped trying too. YOU FUCKING ASKED ME FOR A DIVORCE', he angrily spat in disgust, his eyes clouded in anger, no love was there. She was dumbfounded. She stood there, absolutely shocked, but no doubt, full of heartbreak too. She realised that she probably pushed this situation way out of hand. She always pushed people away. Why did she do this to herself? She loved him so much. She wanted to make this work. She didn't want to be alone. Why did she do this? She was about to give in, cry, apologise, the works, but there was a small sob behind her. She whipped her head around, and saw their daughter, huddled in the corner, crying her heart out at the sounds of her Father's shouts, and their angry faces. 'Mommy...' she began, and her little body shook with extreme sobs. She was frightened.

All of Joey's apologies washed away, replaced with anger. She headed towards her daughter, and swooped her up in her arms. 'Oh baby, I'm so sorry, come here.. shh... It's ok.' She faced around to Pacey, and saw his eyes full of remorse, as well as sorry tears. 'Just leave Pacey, don't you think you've done enough?' Pacey nodded shortly, giving Joey a small look, showing her that he was sorry he frightened their daughter. She knew Pacey would never hurt or frighten their daughter intentionally, but she was still too fuming to accept anything at the moment. 'Just leave', she continued facing away from him, still hugging their daughter. She heard the door close behind her, and felt her heart close too.

Xxxxxxxxxxx

Joey walked slowly towards the Icehouse. She was unsure how to approach Pacey after their ...sex...and their argument after. Fuck, she thought. Fuck, fuck, fuck. She just took it all in her stride, and opened the doors. He was nowhere to be seen. She sighed, and headed towards his office, and knocked on the door. 'Come in.' She heard from behind it. She could tell from him voice, he was pissed. Tired, fucked off,whatever. She knew she was in for it. How can I even start to make this right? She thought.

She opened the door , and closed it quickly behind her.

'Hey.', she offered. He swung round in surprise. 'Hello.' He offered back. Great, he's being an asshole. 'I just came to apologise for earlier..' she started to continue. 'No need. I get it. A one night stand you wanted cause you were horny and wanted a fuck.' Her mouth opened in shock. How fucking dare he? 'Anyways, I'm sorry we upset Megan. I don't want her to be frightened of me Josephine, and I don't want her to see me or us like that again. So next time I come to see her I'd appreciate it if you weren't there.' Joey stood still, shit. He doesn't want me there. Has he given up?

'Pacey, I just.. I want to try and..' 'Shut up Joey, I have nothing to say to you. I have sorted appointments with my lawyer to get this show on the road, and get this divorce over and done with. I'm assuming that you want shared custody of Megan?' He continued, ignoring the dumbstruck look on her face. All she could do was nod. What the hell? Oh my god, he really has given up. What the hell have I done? I've pushed him so far away. Why did I do this? What shall I say? Nothing obviously.

'Ok, well. I'll talk to my lawyer too. Goodbye Pacey.' I turn towards the door, and hear 'Goodbye Jo', behind me. Jo. He called me Jo! I turn round for a glimmer of hope, but just see his eyes, still clouded in disgust. I nod silently, and walk out the door.

Xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

Four weeks later. I haven't seen my husband for four weeks. No contact. No bumping into each other. Seeing Megan at separate times. No interaction, Nothing. This is horrendous. Joey sat sobbing on the bathroom floor. Just when It couldn't get any worse. She angrily screamed the place down, and threw the positive pregnancy test on the floor, reducing herself to a quivering wreck on the floor.


	4. Chapter 4

I wonder the streets of Capeside, thinking my life is officially over. How can I seriously have been that stupid not to use anything? How could I get pregnant, by my soon to be ex husband, the man that hates me, wants nothing to do with me, and I'll be a single mother to two children. Fuck.

I wish things hadn't turned out this way. I love Pacey so much, I'm stubborn as hell, and push the people I love away. But why did he give up? He _always_ fought for our love. When did he stop loving me? I need to go and ask him, I can't get him out of my head. Or Megan's, as she constantly asks where he is when we're at home, God, she loves him more than me.

Xxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

I walk into the Icehouse, and once again, he's not front of house. Where is he? His staff look at me suspiciously, like I was an outsider. I muster a smile towards them, and scowl at them as I reach Pacey's door where they can't see my face. Loyal bastards. I knock on the door, and there's no answer. Hmm.. I knock harder..nothing. Little Miss blondie comes up behind me. 'Mr Witter isn't in today. He's taken a personal day', she states, smirking in my direction. Do you think I could get away knocking that smirk off her face? 'Right. Thank you. I shall go and look for _my husband_ some place else.' She turns her head at me, and amusingly adds, 'why, If he was your husband, surely you would know his whereabouts?' Bitch. I glare at her, I'm not in the mood for fights, and I head towards the door. Before I leave, I whip my head around with the biggest smirk that I can muster, 'Well, by the way, at least I got to fuck him, and not have to resort to just imagining how good he is in bed'. She stares at me, horrified that I would say such a thing, her face turning scarlet. HA! I continue down the road, and head towards Doug and Jacks.

Xxxxxxxxxxxx

I'm slightly apprehensive about knocking on their door. What if they throw me out for hurting Pacey? Well, Doug especially, but I somehow feel like I'm intruding. I hear laughter from out the back of the house, and me being the inquisitive one, start to walk around and follow the sounds. They're having a barbeque, smiling and laughing with each other, watching Amy pulling funny faces at them. Then I see Pacey. He's sitting on a deck chair, his face drawn and tired. Oh god, what I have done to him?

'Hey guys,' I offer , not mustering anything else productive out of my mouth. God, what the hell is wrong with me today? They all seemed to stare at me slightly, shocked that I would be there, and Pacey just stares at me, his eyes dark, and for the first time in over 20 years that I have known him, I can't read them.

'Hey Joey.. How are you?', offers Jack. He comes up to me and offers me a short, sympathetic hug. He feels torn, I can tell, and I offer him a smile to show him that I understand. 'I'm good, how are you?'. 'Not so bad, not so , what brings you here? Not that you're not welcome here of course.' Yeah right, I snort inside. 'Well, I was er, looking for Pacey.' Pacey looks at me, for a long time, then flitters his eyes between Jack and Doug, then sighs heavily, showing me he really isn't interested in talking with me. 'Fine, whatever, I've got 5 minutes.' My heart drops from my chest. Arrogant ass. Sometimes, I don't know why I bother.

We walk into the house, and into the kitchen area, where he promptly throws himself down on the stool. He glances up at me with his blue eyes, and I falter. His face, his body...everything. He looks heartbroken. I can't believe that I would ever hurt this unbelievable guy, but... I've got to stop blaming myself for everything, I didn't do all this damage myself, and I'm hurting just as much.

'How ya been Pace?' He looks at me impatiently, and offers me, 'You came all this way, just to ask how I've been ? How lovely of you Potter.' Urgh. He called me Potter. He knows that drives me crazy, as he's the only one that I allow to use that nickname... He's trying to hurt me. Well, it's working.

'I.. just wanted to see how you were, I haven't seen you for three months Pacey.' 'Like you care Jo, Oh and thanks for dropping by the Icehouse and speaking to my staff like they're beneath you. God Joey, you can be such a pretentious bitch sometimes.' I stare at him open mouthed. 'Who sold me out?'I stammer, not knowing what else to say. 'All of them. They're too loyal to not say anything.' I chuckle. Yeah. Loyal.

'Look Pace... I came to...' He starts to shuffle in his stool and I stop talking, he looks impatient, like I'm just an annoyance in his life he can't wait to get rid of. Bastard. Tears spring to my eyes, as the hormones overtake me, and I start to get emotional. I try to control them, my body not being loyal to me at all. He sees me fighting to keep control of my emotions, and I see his face momentarily soften.. 'Joey, what is it?' I pause for a second, not sure what I exactly came to tell, or ask him. 'I miss you.' There. Simple, but hopefully effective. He takes a deep breath, and his voice starts to crack. 'Jo... I can't do this now.. Please don't make this hard. I ... can't do this right now.' He gets up to leave the room. 'Pacey! Wait! Please don't leave me!' My tears defeat my fight, and fall freely down my face. 'God Pacey, I miss you so much. I am so so sorry for everything. I love you so much I feel like I can't live without you. Please give us another chance. Please. I need to feel you near to me, next to me, standing next to me like the proud husband that you should be, that I never gave you the chance to be because I gave you such a hard time over everything. I should have supported you when you were busy at work, not treat you like shit when you had a bad day. I just got frightened when you pulled away, convinced that you were going to leave me, I felt like I didn't give you a choice but to end up doing it anyway. I love you Pacey, so much. Please.' I can't continue my speech, as I literally throw myself on the floor, sobbing my heart out. I can't believe I'm actually this upset. Joey Potter, the ultimate brave girl, crying like a quivering wreck on the floor of Doug and Jacks house, not caring who can hear my cries of heartbreak and loss. I just want him to forgive me.

He runs towards me on the floor, and he puts a protective arm around me. 'Jo... calm down. Please.' He looks so worried that I actually might end up crying myself to death I can't help give a little chuckle through my sobs. He touches my face with a caring hand, and I instinctively bring mine to touch his. I feel the electricity run through our hands, shocking us both to the core, as I know that he feels it too. 'Please come home Pacey, we can work through this. I am so so sorry. Please come home.' He looks at me for a long time, and I see his eyes are starting to brighten. I know he's starting to forgive me. He can't deny me anything, that's one of his faults, he's not strong enough. Although to me , it's not a fault. Not because I'm selfish and expect him to do anything for me, it shows how much he cares for me, how much he loves me, and how to him, I am his whole world. And I nearly wrecked that for him. 'I don't know Joey, sometimes love isn't enough..' I silence him with a kiss. A kiss not because I don't want to hear the words he will try and talk himself out of , but because I have missed his touch so much. He doesn't respond straight away, trying to pull himself out of the situation, but I try my hardest to deepen the kiss. I part his lips with my tongue, and suddenly, out of nowhere, this urgency from him explodes as he kisses me back hard and strong. I'm choking back sobs as he dances his tongue with mine, his arms around me, holding on to me, not letting me go. I struggle with my words as we pull apart. He looks as me, his ocean blue eyes staring deep into my soul. 'I love you Joey. I want to make this work. For us, and for Megan.' I smile at him, happy that someone as beautiful as him has given me a second chance into his life. I lean back into him, as I continue to kiss him, showering him with kisses and hugs, just in case this is all a dream. Just in case something tears me away from him.

Xxxxxxxxxxxxx

He actually came home. He actually did. I feel things will be tense for a while, as we need to sort through our problems... and the fact I've yet to tell him about the baby. The only person that knows is Bessie. Maybe I should give her a call when I get the chance and see what her advice is. I don't want him to think that I'm only back with him because I'm pregnant. I don't want him to feel like he's just needed. Of course he is, but all in all, he's wanted more. I don't just need him in my life, I want him in my life. I could probably live without him, but that's the last thing I ever want to do.

I sit in the kitchen with my cup of tea, as Megan plays with her daddy in the living room. A smile rises to my lips as I see how happy they both are, loving each other's company. I hope, someday soon, Pacey and I can get that kind of happiness back in our relationship. We have love, but we have to spend time building the other parts of our relationship that we lost. Starting tonight.

Pacey tucks Megan in bed tonight. He walks into the living room, where I am now sitting in front of the television, watching some obscene tv reality show which bores me to the ground. And he knows it, probably silently wondering what on earth I'm watching it for. In fact, I'm not really concentrating on the television, I'm nervous as hell. What are we going to talk about? Eek, he sits next to me, And I have this overwhelming urge to jump him. I miss the closeness, but having sex isn't going to fix this. Damn hormones.

'So, any reason you're watching this pile of junk, Miss Potter?', teases Pacey, giving me a short smile. He's trying, bless. I feel like shivering from the closeness we are currently sharing. 'Me? Well.. It's quite good actually, but I don't really understand the reason behind it... this girl here is called...er... snooki... sooki? Something like that.. er... and they live in a house...' He chuckles next to me, knowing I have no clue. 'Ok ok, you got me Pace.. there was just nothing else on television.' 'Well, why don't you turn it off for a while, we've got lots of things to talk about... don't you think?' I nod shortly at his rhetorical question, and shut off the television. I shuffle to face him, quite unsure how I'm going to start this conversation.

'So, when were you going to tell me you were pregnant?' asks Pacey simply. What the fuck? How does he?

'Er, what? How... do ... what?', I stumble. How in the world does he know? I instantly bring a hand to my stomach, suddenly feeling self conscious.

'Jo, I remember last time you were pregnant. You had this beautiful glow to you. You could tell just by the look on the face, that you were carrying my child. And I see it again now. That, and you do have a tell tale sign around your stomach, but I only just noticed that tonight, you don't do well with hiding things. I could tell by your face yesterday that you were pregnant, when you came to see me and Doug and Jacks, the same glow. I remember.', he said with a short smile on his face.

'Yeah... I forgot.. you remember everything..', I trail off. Of course he remembers. This man knows me too well. I take a deep breath. 'Yes Pacey, I'm three months pregnant. That moment of passion... we...er... had before I selfishly kicked you out, we conceived this baby. I was going to tell you Pacey, I just didn't know how to...' He looks at me with a look of sadness in his eyes.

'Joey, I need to know, are you back with me because you need my help with this baby? Is this all this is?'

'That's why I didn't know how to tell you Pace... that's the last thing I wanted you to think... Of course not. I was going through the motions, thinking I was going to be a single mother to this child, and I panicked how I was going to tell you... not thinking that you would ever get back with me. I'm so happy to have a second chance with you Pace. I love you so much, I could do this without you... I just don't want to. You have to know that.' I shyly look at him, and he has glistening tears in his eyes. He moves further towards me, and places a soft, tender kiss on my forehead . 'I'd always be here for you Jo, you know that. And I'm glad that we sorted this out together. I love you so much, you mean the absolute world to me. I can't believe we're having another baby. This time we will make this work properly. Stop worrying about time, money, everything. It's you and me now. You, me, Megan and this baby that will grace us with its presence in six months time. And I for one can't wait.' I push my forehead against his, and smile in his embrace.

'I love you Pacey'

'I love you too Jo.' And I feel it, the love that surrounds us. 'We still have to talk Jo, over all our issues, to make sure it doesn't break us down again, because I think we won't make it through it again if it happens again. And i'll try my hardest to make sure we never break down. I love you Miss Potter, you are my life. And losing you isn't even a possibility.' He kisses my cheek, and I snuggle in to him. 'It's Mrs Witter to you.', I say teasingly. 'Don't I know it...', he replies, kissing my lips, and making me melt into him all over again. He deepens the kiss, And I know what's going coming... I look at him seductively, grab his hand, and lead him into the bedroom. Tonight, we are going to spend taking our time, exploring each other's bodies, like it's the first time, and relish in each other's love.

Xxxxxxxxxxxxx

It's early, and I'm up before Pacey. I woke up this morning, with Megan in between us. She must have climbed in , in the early hours, and Pacey is lying next to her, his arm protectively over her, and my heart swells when I see her tiny little fingers wrapped around his hand. I take a look at Pacey, his hair dishevelled, no thanks to me probably ,and his mouth slightly ajar, snoring lightly, his naked chest visible, with one foot sticking out the side of the bed. I try not to giggle too loud at the sight of him, and I get out of bed before I decide to burst into fits of laughter that will wake up everyone. I get dressed into a tracksuit, and pull my hair back into a ponytail. I look out the window, today, the sun is shining. I smile at the irony, put on my sunglasses, and head downtown.

When I reach the bakery, I decide on three little cupcakes for us for lunch, and I grab myself a juice drink too from the local cafe. As I start to walk back, I see Little Miss Blondie heading towards me. Oh great, I think to myself. Not what I want. She stops short when she sees me, and offers me a simple, 'Hello Joey,'

'Hey er...' 'Jess', she interrupts, knowing that I've obviously never learnt her name even though she's probably been at the Icehouse years.

'Jess. Sorry. Look, I just want to apologise for what I said the other day. I really regret what I said, it was stupid and you didn't deserve that.' She looks at me shortly, and I wonder whether she's actually going to accept my apology.

'No worries. Just forget it.' She smiles at me, and I smile back. See. Simple. Done.

'Ok, well, I best be on my way...', And I start to trail off back to our house..

'You were wrong you know, by the way.', I hear behind me, and I turn back around to face her.

'About what?' I question.

'About imagining what it would be like to fuck Pacey. Been there, done that.'

My face suddenly contorts in anger. What the fuck? This whore slept with Pacey?

'What? When did you? When did you sleep with Pacey?'

'Not too long ago. Doesn't look like he missed you too much now. Does it?' She smirks at me. Bitch!

'Well, Pacey and I are back together now. So I'd appreciate if you stayed away from us.' I try and keep calm , feeling the anger rise up inside me. Even though her words cut me like a knife, I have this overwhelming feeling that she's lying to me. I trust Pacey, I have to, after everything, trust him. I believe that if he slept with her, whether it was during our marriage (which I know he would never do ), or when we apart these last few months, he would have told me last night. I know he would have. I don't want to admit to her that I know, I want to play her at her own game. Make it out like she's ruined my marriage, that she can have him, and she can deal with Pacey herself.

'Well, I'll try, but I think he secretly wants me. I can't imagine how you must feel when he's at work with me... and you're at home, wondering what he's upto...', she smirks again. Ha, ok fine, I'll play it hard.

'You know what. Fuck you. You can have him. Is that what you want? By the way, I'm pregnant, so you just destroyed a family for my child. How does that make you feel?'I shout at her, trying my hardest at my acting skills. She flounders for a second, I can see it in her eyes, she regrets what she's told me. She has no intention of pulling a family apart, she just doesn't like me.

'What? Look Joey, I'm only...' she starts, but I interrupt her.

'No, you know it's fine, I'm pregnant, but I want to be a single mother. I want to be alone. I don't need or want Pacey. He's nothing to me. You know, the only reason I got back with him is because I thought I needed his support, but you know, I don't. I only wanted his money, but I guess child maintenance will be enough, and you have just confirmed that for me. Thank you. I wonder why I ever loved him, I certainly don't love him anymore. Just his wallet.' I smirk at her, but her eyes are wide with horror behind me. I look at her for a few more seconds, and turn around to see what she's staring at.

Pacey is behind me, Megan in his arms. Staring at me with utter hurt and confusion. He overheard. But not all of it, just what I had said to Jess. I've just 'confirmed' his one fear, that I was using him because I didn't want to be alone. Oh my god.

'Pacey.. I ...'

'Save it Jo. Me and Meg just wanted to come and join you, knowing where you would be, but I guess I'm not wanted. I'll take me and my money elsewhere.' Before I can say anything else, he turns on his heel, and heads in the opposite direction. And with that, he's gone.

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	5. Chapter 5

'Pacey will you wait!' I scream after him, knowing that he has no intention of stopping. I'm panicking so much, I didn't want him to hear any of that, especially as it wasn't true. None of it was, I love him so much I just wanted to get that bitch back for her words. I should really learn how to keep my mouth shut.

'PACEY! WILL YOU WAIT!' I scream even louder. He still ignores me, striding at full speed towards our home. Megan is looking behind at me over her Father's shoulder, looking completely confused. I see Pacey head towards a neighbour's house. Oh fuck, he means business, he's giving Megan to a neighbour so we can 'talk' in private. Oh shitttttt. I have a feeling he's not going to talk to me at all.

I sigh as I finally make it up to our house. Oh my god, I stand outside the door , afraid to go in. As I open the door, he's nowhere to be seen.

'Pacey? Where are you? I really need to explain...' I stop talking as I can hear him stomping around upstairs. I roll my eyes as I go towards the stairs . I slowly go up the stairs, one by one, bracing myself for the fallout. I see him in our bedroom, packing an empty suitcase. Fuck.

'Pacey, what are you doing?'

'What does it look like I'm doing Joey, I'm packing up the rest of my shit and moving out of here.'

'Pacey, come on, if you just let me explain...'

'No. I'm done talking. You have done nothing but continuously lie to me, and I'm done giving a shit' He glares at me. And not just slightly. Really glares at me. His eyes are filled with disgust. I hate that I made him like this..

'Pacey, please let me explain.. It's all just an innocent misunderstanding...'

'Oh, spare me the bullshit, please. I can't listen to any of this anymore. You just drive me insane, Joey, I can't take it anymore!' Oh, well, that's great. He thinks I'm just talking bullshit. I glare back at him, feeling anger rise from inside me.

'Pacey, you can't fuck me all night long, then literally back track and refuse to talk to me! I thought we were supposed to talk about all of this! We said last night, we have to talk! So don't fucking dismiss me talking to you as bullshit!'

'Josephine, last night was a mistake. Fucking is what got us in this mess in the first place.' His words sting me. 'You regret last night? What do you mean mess? What mess?'

'You got pregnant, didn't you? I thought you had a brain.' His words cut through me like a knife. I can feel tears stinging at my eyes, but I refuse to let them fall.

'Oh, so you regret that night too? Does that mean you regret this baby too?'

'Yes.' His one word makes the tears fall freely from my eyes. I can't believe he's saying that he regrets making this life with me. I know that he is incredibly hurt and angry from my words, which weren't even true, but that was _such_ a low blow. My hand instinctively moves towards my stomach, and I rub it, as if our baby can hear our words, and is hurt too.

'How.. How can you say that Pacey?' I can tell he looks momentarily remorseful. I don't think he meant it, but I think he is so wound up, that he just can't stop. Reminds me of me, a few months ago. What goes around comes around I guess.

'I'm going ahead with the divorce. I am going to make sure you don't get a dime of my money. If that's all you use me for, then I guess I'll only share with you which will benefit Megan. You sure as hell are not using me anymore.' He starts to try and walk out of the bedroom, his suitcase in tow, but I block the doorway.

'So that's it, you're walking away for good?'

'Looks that way doesn't it?' He spits at me, trying to get me to move out of the way of the door, but I refuse to budge.

'So, look who talks bullshit now! You wanted to make it work! You won't even let me explain myself! How dare you just walk out on our life together, regret our baby and leave me alone, without even a fucking chance to speak! Your employee decided to tell me that you two fucked, and I was trying to make her feel bad.'

'Spare me Joey, the same girl you gave a grilling when you came to The Icehouse? I don't know who the fuck you think you are, but you're no better than anyone else around here, so I don't know why you act like a privileged spoilt bitch.'

'So now you're saying you don't believe me? Thanks for calling your wife a liar Pace.' I can't believe he doesn't believe me.

'Joey, you lied to me from the day you told Dawson you didn't sleep with me. I should have learnt by now not to trust you.'

'I can't believe you're holding that against me. That was years ago, what is wrong with you? I was a kid Pacey! I don't know how you can't trust me after all these years, we have a child together Pacey, we're married! And you think I'd lie over something as ridiculous as this? This is a stupid misunderstanding.'

'I think you'd lie to get yourself out of a situation. Which is what you're doing now. So if you don't mind, get the fuck out of my way.'

'No. I want to talk!' I'm being stubborn as I can, I'm so close to breaking down, his words hurt so much, but I know deep down I deserve them.

'I don't! God, you're just like your Father! Pathetic. No wonder your Mom left you all those years ago. She's definitely better off dead.'

I just stare at him in silence. I can feel my heart breaking inside. How could he be so cruel? I can't see, my eyes are so watery, my vision is a blur. I start to shake, I feel so sick.

'Joey..I didn't mean it.. I'm so sorry..', I feel him reach for me. I shake him violently off me, I can't believe he would say such a thing. I can't stop shaking, I'm so upset.

'Fuck off Pacey'. I know what's about to come out of my mouth is going to be regretted too, but I don't care anymore. He has no right to talk to me like that.

'At least I shipped my Dad off to Jail, rather than have my Dad walk all over me and treat me like a worthless piece of shit !' He bows his head down, I know that hurt him too.

'You know what? You've turned into such an arrogant, pathetic man, that I don't believe you are the same man I married all those years ago. I believe that you have also been lying to me, as your personality has changed so much, and I don't know which is the real you anymore.' I shake fuming at him.

'Well Joey, maybe it's because after all these years, you've beaten me down so much, I have no choice but to be the man I am today.' Again, his words silence me, and I realise that I probably am to blame. I move aside this time, as he makes it out the door. Thousands of thoughts run through my head, and I realise , that after everything, I really don't want to lose him.

'Pacey, wait, please!' I run after him, and catch him at the first stair. He turns around impatiently, sighing at the sight of me.

'What. I have somewhere I'd rather be.' Ouch.

'I know, Pacey, please just let me explain. Please, just ten minutes. I just want to feel like I've had a chance to try. Please.'

'No. So if you don't mind.'

'Please!' I grab his arm, to stop him from going down the stairs.

'No! Fucking get off me!' He shakes me off so viciously, that I lose my balance. The whole world goes in slow motion, as I literally float at the top of the stairs, watching myself fall backwards down the stairs. My body hitting every step with a sickening thud, landing in an awkward pile at the bottom of the stairs. I am barely conscious as I feel blood seeping from below me. I lose all consciousness when I hear Pacey come running down the stairs after me. I fear, it's too late.

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	6. Chapter 6

Oh my god. My head hurts so much. What the hell? I slowly open my eyes, and take in my surroundings. I feel pain take over me, and I wince slightly. I see Jack sitting next to me, looking anxious. I give him a half smile, let him know that I'm ok.

'Joey, thank god you're ok. How are you feeling? Sorry, stupid question, I just... I'm glad you're ok.' He looks me up and down, and my eyes follow him. I gasp as I notice my injuries. My right arm is in a cast, and my arms are bruised. I lift my sheet carefully, and see the cuts and bruises all over my legs too. Urgh, this is worse than I thought.

'How's my face?' I ask wincing as I touch a bruise by my eye. I don't even want to know what I look like.

'It's... as bad as the rest of you Joey. You really need to rest. You took a really nasty fall.'

'Where's Pacey?' I ask hesitantly. I look around the room, and he's nowhere to be seen. Disappointment seethes through my veins, I at least expected him to be here.

'He's outside. Joey..He's devastated. He won't talk to any of us, he's shut off. You need to talk to him. You need to talk to each other. I think he blames himself for your fall.'

'Don't be ridiculous, yes I was arguing with him at the top of the stairs, but I was the one that lost my balance. He didn't push me or anything.'

'I know, no one is saying that he pushed you, when he called 911, he was so distraught. Do you want me to send him in?'

I ponder his question for a moment. Do I want him to talk to me? What we said in that argument was cruel, and just hurtful. What he said about my Mom, was unforgiveable. If he really loved me, would he use such personal attacks to bring me down? I don't know. I really don't know.

'I ... don't know Jack. He said some pretty nasty stuff to me.' As I finish my sentence, I see him appear in the doorway, leaning against the frame. From my bed, I can see tears in his eyes, eyes which look like they have cried a thousand times in the past day. His eyes are red, his face pale, his clothes covered in.. Oh God, is that my blood? His unshaven, devastated features make my bottom lip tremble, my vision blurs as I try to fight the tears that are about to fall. His mouth opens in shock, as he sees me about to lose control.

'Oh god Jo, I didn't mean to upset you ... I just wanted to see if you were , I'll leave now, just call me when you need me.'

'No..Pacey It's ok. Come in, please.' He looks at me for a few seconds, relief sweeping over his features, and he walks over to me and sits stoically at the bottom of my bed.

'I feel really groggy, and sore', I mention, as even his soft sitting at the end of my bed makes my body ache in pain.

'I'm so sorry Jo, I feel like this is all my fault'.

'I don't want to get into that right now. It's a talk we will have later. But you know, that this isn't your fault. I fell, end of. Please don't blame yourself. It was me, not you.'

He gives me a short nod, showing he accepts that for now. I know that he will continue to feel guilty, but I will have to sort that out some other time. At this moment, I really need to stay still, this is so painful, I'm thinking it's worse than childbirth. Oh my god! Our baby!

'Oh my god, please tell me our baby is ok? Please?' I cry towards Jack and Pacey, who instantly try and calm me.

'We don't know anything yet Joey, the doctor wouldn't tell us much without you. You haven't been out long enough for them to tell us any haven't been out for long, thank god, we would have been worried sick about you. I'm sure everything is fine Joey, I'm sure they're a little fighter.' Jack offers me some comfort, grabbing on to my hand and giving my hand a soft squeeze. I squeeze it back, giving him a short smile, as I turn to Pacey, and give him a hopeful smile, which he returns.

The doctor sweeps into the room at this time, and I feel relief. He offers me a sympathetic smile, which makes me falter, something's wrong. I can feel it. I just know it.

'How are you feeling Mrs Witter? You took a nasty fall.'

'I'm sore, all over. Apart from that, I'm sure everything is fine and dandy.'

'You're broken your wrist, which needs at least 6 weeks to heal in its cast. You fractured it in many places, it was lucky that your bone did not shatter. The rest is all superficial, just cuts and bruises which will heal over time. You're lucky that you didn't need any stitches.'

'What about my baby?' I see his face drop as I ask the dreaded question, and my eyes start to water again. I knew it. I knew something was wrong. I don't feel like I'm carrying a baby anymore.

'I'm.. I'm so sorry Mrs Witter. Your baby didn't survive the impact of the fall. You bled almost straight away, there really was nothing that we could do. I'm so sorry. Be reassured though, that you will more than likely go on to have a healthy pregnancy again in the future. My deepest condolences to you and your husband.'

I don't even hear anything after I'm so sorry. My baby is gone. I can't believe it. I shake my head furiously, and close my eyes to stop the tears falling. Ridiculous really, considering the tears have already made my face wet. I open my eyes again to see Jack frozen in pain, and I glance over to Pacey, and see him sitting at the bottom of the bed still, running his hands through his hair, and then covering his face with his hands, and bows over. I start to shake, I'm so devastated.

'Oh Joey, Pacey. I'm so sorry, I don't even know what to say.' Jack stammers, his eyes shining with unshed tears. He's very protective of me, and I'm so grateful he's here. Anger starts to boil from within me from somewhere, I can't shake it. I start to tremble, as I turn my eyes back to Pacey. He's looking at me now, and he knows what I'm going to say.

'You.'

'Jo... I'm so sorry...'

'You did this.'

'Joey, Pacey couldn't have...' Jack interrupts quickly, to try and stop the bluntness that is making its way out of my mouth, to shield Pacey someway. This just angers me even more.

'Oh he did.'

'Joey, you fell, it was an accident. Please calm down, do you want me to get a doctor?'

'I'm...I'm just going to go, I'll come back when you want to see me..' Pacey stands up shakily, his voice cracking as he speaks.

'You did this.'

'I'm so sorry'. He starts to cry, his face full of wet tears. I don't care.

'You regretted this baby. You didn't want it. Look what you did. Are you happy now?' I'm shouting now, I can't control my voice. My heart is breaking inside. I've lost my gorgeous baby, the one I was looking forward to bringing so much happiness, warmth and love back into my family, and now I'm definitely losing my husband too.

'Joey, this isn't the time...' interrupts Jack again, panicking, sensing the understanding the argument we had earlier.

'This is KARMA for saying SUCH A THING. OH MY GOD PACEY! MY BABY!' I sob, I can't stop shaking. I see Jack lunge for me, to comfort me, as I pull him towards me, my head buried into his chest, as I sob my heart out. I feel so numb, I don't think I'll ever stop crying. He rubs my back softly, letting me scream into him. Jack's not used to me breaking down, and I'm pretty sure that even though Pacey has seen me lose it, he's never seen me like this. _I _haven't seen me like this. I never knew I could feel pain like this. I didn't know I was capable of such feeling, that I wish it to go away. I scream into his chest louder, as I hear him say 'Pacey, wait!' I know Pacey has walked out. I can't concentrate on his feelings at the moment. I can't even concentrate on mine. All I can think of is this baby, that I've lost. I've never felt so grief stricken in my life. I was devastated when my Mom died, and now I just feel this is so much worse. Not because my Mother's death wasn't monumental to me, but because the one person I need to comfort me right now, is my Mom. And she's not here either.

Karma. That five letter word, that keeps pulling my family apart. That keeps pulling me apart. Apart, so far, that I don't think that anyone can ever pull me back together again. And I have no one to blame anymore. I just don't think I can gather the strength to care.

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	7. Chapter 7

'Mommy, why do you look so sad?' whispers my little girl so softly, snapping me out of my thoughts. I look down at her, and she's looking up at me with those godforsaken blue eyes. Pacey's eyes. God damn him for being everywhere. I just want to forget him. I'm so hurt, confused, heartbroken, I don't know what's up or down at the moment.

'Mommy's not sad sweetie, It's just Mommy still hurts from her fall. I will be better soon.' I smile softly at her on the couch. I've been back from the hospital for 2 weeks now. I still have my arm in a cast, but my bruises have faded. However, the emotional pain hasn't. I've found it very hard no to cry everyday over the loss of my baby. It's harder that I haven't got a husband around to support me, to help me through it. I, in turn, could help him through it too. However, I can't seem to shake the bitterness and resentfulness towards him. I love him yes, but can I forgive him? I don't know. I know deep down that it's not his fault. Of course he couldn't will away a baby. But I need someone to blame, and he's the easy target. He gave me a reason to hate him.

I hear a soft knock on the door, and Megan wobbles off to look through the window. 'Mommy, It's Uncca Jack. He's come to see Mommy and Megs!', she giggles excitedly, which pulls my mouth up into a small smile. Her pronunciation of 'Uncle' tickles me too. At least someone is keeping me amused . 'The doors open Jack!' I shout, I can't actually get up. 'Hey Megs, why don't you go and see if you can find a favorite toy to show Uncle Jack!' She nods towards me, and goes into her playroom.

'Hey Joey, I bought you some food. How are you feeling today?' He smiles softly at me, feeling my pain, I'm sure. Pacey is living with Jack and Doug, so he's probably getting it all from him.

'I'm ok thanks, I feel abit better today. At least I've got Megan to make me feel better, anyway. She's just gone to find you a toy she loves.' He chuckles softly at me, and squeezes my leg, which prompts tears to spring to my eyes. I can't help it, I still feel raw from all what's happened. At least I haven't gone the other way, and show no emotion at all. Sometimes I wish I had.

'It's ok to cry, you know Joey. I mean, You've been through enough.' 'I know, I just don't want to cry anymore. I feel like I'm all cried out. I just wish that I hadn't lost my baby. I feel so empty inside.' I give a small sigh, shake my head, and try and change the subject.

'How's life at the school?'

'He's really hurting Joey'. How did I know he was going to come out with that line?

'I don't care.'

'Yes you do Joey, please don't shut him out. He feels so lost.'

'Well, so do I.'

'Well then maybe you should feel lost together.'

'Well then maybe you should butt out.' I wince as soon as the words come out of my mouth. So does Jack. 'Sorry.'

'Me too Joey. Me too. Look, I shouldn't have pushed you.' I give him a smile to show him that I'm ok.I really am. I think.

' I have something to give you Jack, for you to give to Pace. If you wouldn't mind.' His face lights up, and I regret my words again. Fuck he's going to hate me.

'Ok, sure. What is it?' I lean over to my bag, and pull out a pile of papers. I hand them to Jack, and he looks down at them. 'What's this?'

'Divorce papers.' He looks up at me shocked, unsure of what to say.

'I... I can't give these to him...'

'Why not?' I retort back.

'Because It will kill him.' His words hit me like a ton of bricks. Do I really want to hurt Pacey so much? Before all this happened, we were ok. Although that stupid blonde bitch from his work wound me up, and he believed her over me. I mean, Why? After that perfect night together, he chose to believe her over me, that just shows that he really didn't trust me. If he didn't trust me, then why the hell did he get back with me? Did he feel sorry for me, for breaking down at his feet? Did he feel he had no choice because I was pregnant? I don't know, I just know I want to stop hurting. If I eliminate him out of my life, then I feel I can move on.

'Well..Jack... I don't really...' I get interrupted as Megan appears from her playroom. 'Uncca Jack! Uncca Jack! Look at my toy!' she squeals in delight, climbing up into his lap. He gives her a short, panicked look, but I look away, I don't want to continue this conversation.

'Hey Megs! Oh wow... that's great!' He smiles at her for a while, holding a short, kid-like conversation, and then turns to me 'Joey , I've really got to get back. I'll come see you soon ok Megs? Uncle Jack has got to go back home!' She looks slightly downcast, and then looks up at him with those big blue eyes of hers, and says 'Ok Uncca Jack, Daddy's turn to come back though.' He gives me a pained look, which makes me wince. I know she misses her Daddy, Urgh this makes it so much harder. He gives her a short kiss on the forehead before she jumps off his lap. She runs back into the playroom, and I smile as I watch her potter off. I look back at Jack, and he's standing now over me, holding out his arm with the dreaded papers.

'I'm sorry Joey, You know I love you, but I can't give him these. It has to come from you.' I scowl softly at him, I can't blame him. But he's just made it ten times harder for me. Bastard.


	8. Chapter 8

I'm standing at the door, and I can't find the will in me, to knock. I can't. I just can't. Why the fuck am I so pathetic? When did I become such a baby? Snap out of it Josephine! My hand nearly reaches the door this time, before I quickly shove it in my pocket, shook my head, and started to walk away.

I was nearly at the bottom of the drive, when I heard the door behind me.

'Potter?'

I wince at his endearment. I thought this would be easy, but this just breaks my heart into more pieces I thought imaginable. I slowly turn around to face him and bring my eyes to his.

'Hey, Pacey. I er... can I come in?' He nods at me sadly, and extends the door further so I can step in. I take a deep breath, and walk towards him, trying not to breath in the familiar scent of him as I brush past him. Damn. Those involuntary tears have just popped up again. I really need to try and get a grip.

We go into the living room, and I scan the room in different directions, to see if I suddenly had X-ray vision that could tell me if Jack and Doug were home.

'They're not here. They're at the beach with Amy', Pacey offers. I smirk at his response. He knows me too well. I sit down on the opposite couch to him, and we stare at each other for a while. It's almost like we don't know what to say, too scared to break this almost state of comfort between us.

He clears his throat uncomfortably, and throws 'So how are you? How have you been?'

'I've been good Pacey. I'm.. getting there. Slowly. But, like they say, time really is a great healer. I guess I just needed to be on my own to grieve. You know?'

'Yeah. I know.'

'What about you, how are you?'

'I just feel lost Joey. I feel so incredibly guilty about everything. I can't even begin to apologise to you. I'm so sorry Joey. If there's anything I can do to...'

'Well you can't bring our baby back can you?' I interrupt cruelly. He looks at me startled for a second, and then hangs his head in shame.

'No. I guess it can't. Joey..'

'But you wouldn't want it back. Would you. It was a mistake right?' I'm back to my cruel ways again. I shouldn't have come. I'm just attacking him for no reason.

'Joey, I didn't mean it. I was angry, upset, frustrated. It just came out my mouth without me realising it. I'm sorry.'

'It's fine.' I shake my head at him to stop, I don't want to hear anymore. I need to stop him from apologising, it's upsetting me more and I'm about to get too frustrated.

'Look, I just came here to give you something. I think it's about time we start to move on'. I lean into my bag to retrieve the papers, with what suddenly hits me with a heavy heart. Is this what I really want to do? I was so adamant to fight for our love not so long ago? What has changed my mind so much? It's not just the baby. What is wrong with me?

'Joey , please. I know what you're going to do. Please just listen to me. Please'. I look at him for a split second, and let him continue.

'I know I flipped at you. I cannot apologise enough. I love you more than life itself Joey, I'd be lost without you. You and Megan mean so much to me, I can't even put that love into words. I want to be that family, not be at war with each other. Why do we have to be at war, when we love each other so very much? I know from the bottom of my heart that I want to put all this behind us, and move on. Have a fresh start. Enjoy each other's company again. Hell, I'll even take you on a few dates again to make it feel new. I just want the chance to spend the rest of my life with you. What you don't understand Jo, is that you are my world. My world is _nothing_ without you and Megan in it. I could lose everything in life, and still be happy and content with just you and Megan by my side. Please baby, give me one more chance'.

I look at him and he's crying, I'm crying. Oh my god, I had no idea he felt that way. Why did I blame him for the loss of my child? Our child? I pushed him, argued with him, made him feel worthless. For god sake, It was my fault that I fell down the stairs that day. Me. Point blank. I had no right to make him feel like that. I'm a selfish, manipulative bitch, that hurts people that do nothing but love me. Oh god, I feel so ashamed.

'Oh god Pace, I'm so sorry I blamed you. It wasn't your fault. I just needed someone to blame. I couldn't find it within me to blame myself. Pacey, will you forgive me?' He stands up, walks towards me, and falls to his knees infront of me, hugging my legs like I'm about to disappear.

'Joey, I'm so so sorry. Can we start again? Please?'

I look at him for a few seconds, and smile.

'I wish that girl at your work hadn't wound me up, none of this would have happened. I should have kept my big fat mouth shut.'

'Who? Jess?' I wince as I hear her name, my veins filling with jealousy.

'Yes. I should have kept my mouth shut. I should have just taken it with a pinch of salt and ignored her. I'm so sorry Pace.'

'I love you Jo... but you can't blame Jess. I know you were angry, and frustrated, there's no need to lie now honey. It's ok. We can move on.'

'What?' What does he mean lie?

'Honey, I know Jess didn't say those things to you. It doesn't matter anymore.'

'What do you mean she didn't say those things? I think you'll find that she made out that she had slept with you. Why would I lie about that?'

'Because you were angry. And jealous, I presume. But, there's nothing to be jealous of. I love you, and only you. I would never, ever cheat on you, or look at another woman while you are ever in my life.'

Oh, so now he's calling me a liar? What the hell? I'm starting to seethe in anger. He still doesn't trust me.

'Pacey, why don't you believe me?' I almost shout in disgust.

'Because I know Jess wouldn't hurt me, hurt us like that. Joey.. It's ok! Please. It's fine. Let's just drop it, and work on us.'

'No! Oh my god Pacey! You don't trust me at all! How can you believe her over me! How could you?'

I'm so cross, I stand up quickly, shaking as I grab my bag, snatch the papers out and throw the papers at him.

'You know what to do Pacey. Sign the dotted line. I'll see you around'.

'Joey...wait!' He rushes behind me.

'No. I'm done waiting for you to believe me Pacey. You should trust me. I'm your wife. I'm sorry. I can't do this'. I go to walk out again, and he softly grabs my arm.

'Joey, I spoke to Jess.. she told me she didn't say anything. I've known her for years Joey, why would she deliberately hurt me like that?'

Pacey, oblivious as always to other women's interests. But, I need him to see it, before I ever think about being with him again. I don't want his love for me to stop him from seeing others leeching over him. He needs to see it, deal with it, and move on. Not defend everyone against me because he doesn't have the capacity to open himself up to the fact that someone else might be interested in him. Especially someone he has known for years. I shake my head in disgust.

'You'll see Pacey. You'll see'.

I hope he sees what's going on , before it's too late. Maybe it's time I had another word with Jess.

xxxxxxxxxxx


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